You may have noticed a lack of baking posts on the blog lately. It’s not on purpose, but it’s also kind of on purpose, too. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll notice that I’ve been trying to get myself into better shape. I’ve been posting my Fitbit results at the end of the day and photos of me after I run. I’ve been following the C25K program and working out at home on my balance ball and with free weights. I’ve also been tracking my food in LoseIt! – a FREE food tracking site where you can log your calories in and out and track your weight loss progress. Did I say it was FREE? If not…it’s FREE!!
This is a journey that I’ve been on my whole life. Nothing new. The same thing that others have been through or are going through right now. I’ve been overweight all my life and have had ups and downs on the scale for as long as I can remember. I did Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost 70 lbs…but then I had a major life change and ended up (in the long run) putting almost all of it back on. But even 70 lbs down, I didn’t see my progress because my tummy wasn’t flat and I didn’t think I was “thin enough”. I still saw myself as “fat” and “ugly” and “flawed”.
You see, I’ve had lots of self-hate talk all my life, too. Hearing the mean and hurtful words that others have said to me (even those close to me) and taking them to heart and then repeating them back to myself over and over and over again. “You’re so fat.” “You’re ugly.” “Look at the fat girl run!” “Suck in your tummy!” “You can’t wear that.” “You’ve got such a pretty face; if you’d only lose some weight…” So for years this has been my self-talk. But it stops now.
I’ve been following the body-love movement pretty closely over the last 6-12 months. If you’re not familiar, just Google #effyourbeautystandards or go on HelloGiggles.com and read some articles. This stuff is everywhere so I’d be surprised if you didn’t know about it. The movement is basically about people who are tired of an unrealistic image and standard of beauty shoved in their face day after day. This image that says we “have” to look a certain way to be beautiful. Our hair, our skin, our tummies, our thighs, our eyes, our arms, our fingers and toes, need to look “this” way or else we just are not worthy of beauty. Or love. Or both. Wow. Pretty harsh isn’t it? But this movement is taking a stand by saying that beauty is EVERY BODY. Every body is beautiful and worthy. Every. Body. And after years of telling myself that, because I don’t look like the girl in the magazine (who has most likely been airbrushed and Photoshopped) I’m not worthy, I’m done. I’m over telling myself that I need to be something else, someone else. I am who I am. Could I be thinner? Sure. Am I beautiful regardless of that fact? YES.
The fact is, I need to lose weight. But I’m not doing it for the “standard” of beauty anymore. I’m running because I enjoy the thrill of the finish line! I’m doing 200 crunches on my balance ball at night because I love how strong it makes me feel! And I’m not doing it to be “thin”, but so that I can be a healthier me. I will likely never be the “thin” or “skinny” girl. And for the first time in my life I can honestly say, that’s OK. Because I am beautiful – jiggly tummy and all. My husband thinks I’m beautiful and tells me everyday. I strive every day to try and see myself they way he sees me; look at myself the way he looks at me. While I still have times of doubt and times when my self-talk is less than positive, I am making an effort to speak love to myself like I would my husband, my best friend, my nephew. I would never say to any of them, “You’re fat.” You’re ugly.” “You’re gross.” – so why on earth should I be saying that to myself? I am worthy of self-love regardless of what the scale says. So to the world I say, Eff Your Beauty Standards! We are ALL beautiful!!
Well…let me step down and put my soap box away. Okay. Now that that is done…
I will still post baked goods on the blog, but not as many as before. I’ll focus on makeup and skincare for awhile with some baking sprinkled in. I’m still The Blushing Baker and I still love to bake, but I will be baking in moderation, because a life void of cake doesn’t sound like much fun to me. 🙂
PS: I will be posting a cake recipe at the end of the week.
PPS: It was delicious and I regret nothing.
Until next time,
The Blushing Baker 🙂