Coming Up For Air

It’s been a rough year. Now I understand that the word “rough” is subjective. I didn’t lose a loved one. I wasn’t seriously injured. But while there was good in 2016, it was mostly hard, stressful, and depressing.

First the good…
houseMy husband and I bought our first home! It was quite the learning experience as neither of us had purchased property before. Looking back on it all six months after closing, we are happy with our decision. There are some quirks here and there that we will need to figure out down the road, but this house is becoming home and we are settling in quite nicely. I think it helps that we had our first round of holidays soon after moving in. Getting to decorate for Christmas for the first time here was fun!

Now the not so good…
Early in 2016, I broke my foot. Not fun. And while it may be healed it’s not the same. Most of the time it just aches and too much impact causes tremendous pain. Again, not good. So I still struggle with working out and wanting so badly to run and being unable to. I am hoping that this year I will be able to find some relief as I am tired of being in pain.

Also in 2016 I found out that the company I worked at for over 9 years was being “absorbed” into another company and that I, and many others, would lose their job. It was quite a blow. The news of the “absorption” came at the end of 2015, but no one really knew what was going to happen with the corporate jobs. Then in April the news came down that only a select few would be have jobs with the new company. Meanwhile, I had been sending my resumes out since January and had not received a single bite. So in April, when I was told I had until the end of the year to find something new, I was worried.

In the time between January and May many of my closest friends (who also happened to be co-workers) left the company as they had found new opportunities. And I would have too, had the opportunity arisen. And little by little, more and more left or were laid off. And so I waited and worked at a company that was slowly dying; eight people doing the work of 20. I was being added to processes that I had no reference point for all the while doing the job of about four people. It was a long, arduous process and it was incredibly depressing. I couldn’t get enough sleep. I ate to mask pain and stress. I worried about finding a job. I stressed about money. I was concerned for those I worked with. I found little joy in anything I did. I barely baked a morsel and couldn’t find the energy to do my makeup.

Then my last day came just three weeks ago today. At this point there were only five people left and two of us were leaving. I had become really close to those four souls. When you go through something like this with a small number of people it forces a connection. We had been through the trenches together. Endured frustration and anger and sadness together. We had waded through the sewage that is being laid off together. Now, after 0ver nine years, it was going to be over. Just like that. Saying goodby to my manager and friend, Aaron, was probably the toughest. He had been a stable point in my work life. Like an older brother almost. I had learned about his family and felt as if I knew them personally. We shared stories about our childhoods and he knew about the pain I still feel surrounding the loss of my father. It was incredibly hard to goodbye that day not knowing when I would see him again.

lastdayAs I walked to my car, tears streamed down my face. What was going to happen? Where was I going to go? What was I going to do? Was everyone I left behind going to be OK? I took a picture of the front doors I had walked in and out of every Monday through Friday for almost a decade of my life and drove away still crying.

I don’t know that I would ever wish this experience on my worst enemy (if I had one; I don’t have a “Newman” in my life). The last six months of 2016 were rough and took a toll on me emotionally and physically. No one tells you what the process of losing your job will feel like. Probably because they don’t want to talk about it. But all I can say is, it sucks. Like, a lot.

I feel like I am on the other side of it all now. I can see now how God brought me through with awesome friends and family and a very understanding and loving husband. Without those things I don’t think I’d be where I am right now. I’ve had three weeks of down time and I’ve slept in, watched movies, caught up on my DVR, done some crafts, cleaning, and organizing, and am preparing to start a new job on February 1st.

After 12 long months feeling like I’m drowning, I finally feel that I am coming up for air. Big, full gulps and clean, fresh air. My mind feels clear, my heart feels grateful, and I am ready to kick some serious rump in 2017. I am going to find new ways to exercise around my (stupid) foot. I am starting a new job in a completely different and exciting atmosphere. I have a new home that I feel like I can finally really enjoy and have fun decorating. After a long run in the trenches I’m finally in a good place emotionally, spiritually, and mentally and I can’t wait to see what awesome events transpire in 2017. It feels like it’s going to be great year filled with new adventures and awesome new beginnings!

On to the next…

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